Layered in Love

Its easy to get weary,and to let go of what i already know,
and even easier to forget what you've led me through before,
when i am blinded by the present need,
i fail to see how much help i've already recieved,
i start to look through my alternatives,
trying to fix when i know i should yield.
i feel the distance growing and still,
I leave you on the outside as the battles rage within.
i get lost in the same self that led me to the crazy place that i am in,
and i keep banging on the same doors that i always do,
with the false hope that maybe this time i will find a way- by myself.
You let me try things my way because that's what love does
.....it doesn't interfere with free will.
It's up to me to reach for you.
You hate to watch me struggle
but you know i must in order to grow.
and when i finally reach my end,
and this prodigal in utter despair comes home,
you are there.
to fix the fraying edges of my sanity,
to heal my stubborn and worn heart.
to love me back to where i was meant to be.
Deserving nothing but a thrashing,
i'm given more than i hope for, more than in need.
i'm Layered in Love.

Bereft.

feels like a lifetime between  the last time we spoke and now,
can't help but wonder how  things are,
how much you've changed- I know we both have,
 but knowing it's inevitable does not make it any more bearable.
"Everything is fine," I say that to myself  and whoever cares to listen,
hoping that those around me are more convinced than I am.
but I say it anyway. I want to hope. I want to make believe.
I'll settle for anything but the reality...
                   that I am here and you're there...
and that missing you  is the only thing that I have infinite ability to do.
The strange feeling that I spend half my time running away from settles once more
and all I can do is sigh.
 I am bereft.