whatever helps you sleep at night.

 and so I run from the truth even as it stares me right in the face. I compromise, make excuses , stretch boundaries, take back my own words... anything to help me  feel better about missing the mark. Perhaps having lived a lie for so long I may be able to turn it into reality. I look at the world through rose tinted glasses hoping that the good I continually  fail to find in myself  is somewhere in somebody else. There has got to be somebody out there who  has got it together, right? and even though  nobody's perfect.....some people seem to come pretty close. I like to think that there is a trace of beauty in their flaws.  That's why I shouldnt lose hope...I should dig deep and try to find the gem within.....even if this means sorting through so much junk.  it'll pay off in the end. Yeah. Sure.

You and I

together we are like fire,

smoking,sweltering,then burning

flames doing a twisted dance,

flaring and falling as if in a trance,

casting shadows , teasing the eyes

raising the hope of a putrid heart

threatening but comforting

I pray it lasts or that time be still,

while i relish the endless possibilty

and savour you and me

coals red and hot,

glowing as if eternal

with potence multiplied

by their union....

then miles apart

dead and cold,

almost is if it never was,

but for the ashes.

Bereft.

feels like a lifetime between  the last time we spoke and now,
can't help but wonder how  things are,
how much you've changed- I know we both have,
 but knowing it's inevitable does not make it any more bearable.
"Everything is fine," I say that to myself  and whoever cares to listen,
hoping that those around me are more convinced than I am.
but I say it anyway. I want to hope. I want to make believe.
I'll settle for anything but the reality...
                   that I am here and you're there...
and that missing you  is the only thing that I have infinite ability to do.
The strange feeling that I spend half my time running away from settles once more
and all I can do is sigh.
 I am bereft.