Christmas blues

The smell of roasted chicken on the 24^th, the light in the eyes of your siblings as they anticipate the feasting of the next day,  the acceptance of family, regardless of what the year has been like,  the sound of Jim reeves  and Boney M playing in the background ……It was in moments like these  that our world stood still.  We forgot our challenges, we forgot our fears and for 5 minutes, we had the time of our lives and danced without a care in the world.  We didn’t have much, but for some reason it felt like we had everything.

Sometimes you feel like the “missing” is going to kill you , like the separation from loved ones is too much, like there no  point in moving forward if you aren’t moving with the people you love.  Sometimes home is a faraway place, and longing takes its permanent place in your heart, and laughter and cheer can only go so far, they scratch at the surface of your twisted, pining heart, and are a temporary relief to the gnawing ache that is born of a change that arrived before its time, before you were ready for it. Sometimes  home is a long way from where you are, and trees and candles and all the material things can’t feel the void ,  they can’t seem to  cut through the tangible thickness that seems to have only one cure,  albeit one beyond your reach . Sometimes you can’t help wanting what you want, and much as you cover it up with pride, courage and gratefulness for whats left, a part of you still wants what it wants. The best you can do stop hitting your head against the wall by fighting it.