things i've learned from the men in my life.

1. to look fear in the face and not run.

2. to do what needs to be done, the best way i can.
 
3. to be proud of who i am, butnot let that get in the way of who i can become.

4. to give of myself until there is nothing more to give.

5. to rise above mistakes,no matter how grave.

6. to make sacrifices, and find joy and putting others before self.

7. to never stop dreaming, for dreams are the buds from which great achievement sprouts.

8. to remember that inspite of all the evidence pointing to the contrary...God does exist.

9.  that although  life  mays take some unexpected turns, it is never an excuse enough for me to give up.

10.that strong winds make strong trees only when the roots run deep.

11. to savour  the present, because i can never be  absolutely sure of tomorrow's sunrise.

12. to consider the careless abandon of children at play, and realise that sometimes like them I need to stop trying to fix everthing and abandon myself to God's providence.


P.s.I know without a doubt that i couldn't have been given a better father and brother.

You and I

together we are like fire,

smoking,sweltering,then burning

flames doing a twisted dance,

flaring and falling as if in a trance,

casting shadows , teasing the eyes

raising the hope of a putrid heart

threatening but comforting

I pray it lasts or that time be still,

while i relish the endless possibilty

and savour you and me

coals red and hot,

glowing as if eternal

with potence multiplied

by their union....

then miles apart

dead and cold,

almost is if it never was,

but for the ashes.

On writing.......

Writers should not be afraid. The selective universality of human experience ensures that someone somewhere will understand what we are talking about. Many writers have been abhorred before they were applauded. Many who really made a difference did not live to see it. But that did not get in their way. Draw into the resources hidden within you and let your words speak for you. The legitimate desire to be better at what we do should not drive us to become something that we are not. Let your thoughts be yours. A man may be bound in chains but as long as he can still think independently ,he is as free as a bird. Learn from those before you, let the influences around you provoke you to explore the possibilties. But when the pen meets the paper, be true to yourself....tell the story as only you can.


"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt."
Sylvia Plath

Layered in Love

Its easy to get weary,and to let go of what i already know,
and even easier to forget what you've led me through before,
when i am blinded by the present need,
i fail to see how much help i've already recieved,
i start to look through my alternatives,
trying to fix when i know i should yield.
i feel the distance growing and still,
I leave you on the outside as the battles rage within.
i get lost in the same self that led me to the crazy place that i am in,
and i keep banging on the same doors that i always do,
with the false hope that maybe this time i will find a way- by myself.
You let me try things my way because that's what love does
.....it doesn't interfere with free will.
It's up to me to reach for you.
You hate to watch me struggle
but you know i must in order to grow.
and when i finally reach my end,
and this prodigal in utter despair comes home,
you are there.
to fix the fraying edges of my sanity,
to heal my stubborn and worn heart.
to love me back to where i was meant to be.
Deserving nothing but a thrashing,
i'm given more than i hope for, more than in need.
i'm Layered in Love.

Bereft.

feels like a lifetime between  the last time we spoke and now,
can't help but wonder how  things are,
how much you've changed- I know we both have,
 but knowing it's inevitable does not make it any more bearable.
"Everything is fine," I say that to myself  and whoever cares to listen,
hoping that those around me are more convinced than I am.
but I say it anyway. I want to hope. I want to make believe.
I'll settle for anything but the reality...
                   that I am here and you're there...
and that missing you  is the only thing that I have infinite ability to do.
The strange feeling that I spend half my time running away from settles once more
and all I can do is sigh.
 I am bereft. 

untitled

As life unravels before my eyes i quickly realise that there are no guarantees, no boundaries beyond those in my head , no complete absolutes, no way of being sure that everything will turn out  the way i'd like nor think it should. So why strive in a world devoid of certainities? What happens after I  lose my will? It's easy to fall into a learned helplessness having had your hopes beaten into the ground before. Yet deep inside something stirs, a flicker of light, a sign of life. The fighter  in  me will  not be staying  down, bruised n broken but fighting still.

Why do i weep?

You ask, Why do i weep?
i weep for years of dreams
for the loss of ideals
for the changes i see ahead
for the sacrifice of so much for so little
for what could have been
but will not have the chance to become
for the difference that i see in you
for the person i know and love,
having to learn to swim in the deep,
for the paths that can only be trod alone,
for the hand i'd gladly give
but cant.
I weep for you.